In search of something..

2 weeks.. From last 2 weeks I am restless..I am tired..I am frustrated.. Reason unknown.. But one thing, only one thing, which helps me to forget everything- my daughter. But when I am away from her, I am trying to be alone, try to be in my world. My world? Yes, a world of full of thoughts.. Wandering from one thought to another..tug of war between positive and negative thoughts.. but I fail.. miserably fail..Why am I not getting an answer? Is it because my thoughts are not in the right direction? I am surrounded with a bunch of people who are very lively and always cheerful.. But most of the times I feel I am an odd man out.. Is it good or bad? Work is okay, coz there nothing is personal, the smiling faces are around only till when you are at work. nothing matters after that..My thoughts! man, it is disturbing at times..

Dreams- My another world

Yes, I live in my dreams.. and interestingly I do not forget them.. I do not even have to pen it down to remember.. In a way, it is making me to live my life.. try things which I have never done.. I see places which I have neer visited, I see things which I have never done in my life..But the question here is, am I afraid of these dreams? Yes I was..Now, NO.. I am seeing it as a sign for me to reach them..I see a place in my dreams, almost every alternate day, which was little scary initially but eventually I started liking it. I think I should describe about it.. Ok here is the thing- I see a beach side with lot of people around, none familiar to me. However, everytime I get into the water, the waves take me away from the crowd and I end up nowhere, I would be in the middle of the sea, yes half drowned..but alive. Interestingly the place is amazingly beautiful, and being in the middle of the sea I enjoy the beauty of the place instead trying to save myself from getting drowned. Initially I thought this hit me badly, coz I thought only about being in the middle of the sea or being afraid of drowning. But as and when I see the place again and again, I started observing the surroundings.. it is beautiful.. peaceful.. and I felt am connected with nature at that point of time.. so everytime I see that dream, my approach also changed. Most important, end of that dream, I would be sitting in the beach and smiling. Not sure what I should interpret out of it, but one thing for sure, this dream helps me to be optimistic. I may sound naive, but if it actually helps me, let it be so.. It could be a message from my subconscious mind to see the challenges and move ahead confidently..

My Journey to Motherhood....!!!!

19th Feb 2012- The day I came to know that there is a small life growing inside me... And that moment, I was like.... really??? What next? How my life is going to be?? I can never be the same!! What am I going to do??? Will I be able to take care of my little one? Are we ready for it? Oh my!! So many questions and no answers!! Only thing I could feel that I am going to be a mother and it is destined.. If not today, one day I will become... So why not now... The kind of support and care given by my better half was truly amazing. I don't think without that I could have enjoyed my pregnancy... !! Each day was different.. I used to get advice from every nook and corner!! Always, one thing kept on chanting in my mind "pregnancy is not a disease; it is a part of life, so enjoy it". People said, I will have craving for this that blah blah... Nothing!! I ate every possible thing I could eat except things I was not supposed to eat... Lot of things helped me to have a smooth pregnancy, support from my family, work place, friends etc...I felt the 1st movement of my little one in 4th month of my pregnancy. And the day, October 6th I saw a little angel-very tiny one- coming out of my womb...Doctors cut the Umbilical chord... 1st separation...she was soo pink, eyes wide open, very surprised to see the outside world. And she cried, because, she came out of her comfort zone.. She was happy inside, now there is so much of light, cold, so many people around, lot of noise, lot of pollution... Things changed, but she loved being next to me, feeling my warmth... That made her more comfortable... In the night, her father took care of her, without little bit of sleep and my mother sang lot of songs and lullabies to make her sleep...Another bonding... She had her 1st food, she looked quite happy after that... And I got answers of my above questions..

What next?- Am going to take care of my little one and enjoy life..

How my life is going to be? - Same, with a new addition.. So more lively

I can never be the same!! What am I going to do??? - No, I am still the same, I got additional responsibility.. And am going to do that with full dedication

Will I be able to take care of my little one?- yes, I will be, if not, I should be capable of!

Are we ready for it?- No, until it happens, so never turn away!!

Now, my little princess is 4 months old and each and every moment is beautiful.. In fact, life can't be more beautiful....

I love being a mother.. It has its ups and downs but there’s no better feeling than unconditional love from my baby... I have read somewhere that "In a child's eyes, a mother is a goddess. She can be glorious or terrible, benevolent or filled with wrath, but she commands love either way. I am convinced that this is the greatest power in the universe". It is so true.. She doesn't know what is hatred, all she wants is to love and being loved by her parents.. And after all, what are we here for as parents.. Let us give unconditional love, no false promises, teach her to be good to others and treat everyone same... Things change, so does life. But accept it and move forward!!

Advika (that is my little ones name), we have a long way to go.. Let us enjoy!!

 
 
 

Zinadagi Na Milegi Dobara....How True!!

Ye Zindagi na milegi dobara...Isn't it really true?? When I saw that movie, I just could not beleive that I too used to think the same way, but never tried to implement it.. Seriously, why are we not ready to face challenges? Why do we restrict ourself? have we ever thought, what is going to happen in the next moment? Have we ever thought this moment is the best moment or could be?? Well, we DO, but never ever try think about it seriously... We talk about next life, let me ask you, have we ever seen anyone who lived his/her past life? Or have we ever realised that this is the moment we can cherish, not the moment which may or may not have in next life... I think we all DO, but still wants to believe that we will have one more life. Common, it is not making any sense to me!!

 let me ask myself, have I ever try to do whatever I wished to? No, why not? What stopped me? Who stopped me? Nobody!! Other than me! Why do i regret now that I should have followed my passion? I should have done something which I always wished to...

I used to think, we should live and do things as much as we can before marriage, once you have a family, everything is a full stop!! Huh? is that so? Now when I think, it sounds silly for me... Actually Silly!! you know why? I, personally feel, your best time starts when you have a family.. you can give the happiness to them the way you want, they will also definitely have the best time.. Do not get into this restricted life... That is of no use! other than regretting at later stage.. You should find happiness in whatever you do, for eg, whenever I talk to my friends they say, you should enjoy to the fullest before you have a family.. I am asking, why not after having a family? What will stop me? It is defintiely too early for me to say how practical it would be, but i have read somewhere that our thoughts becomes our action.. In that case, I am sure, I will try to act on my thoughts..

All I want to say is, jiyo jee bharke... This is the moment, do whatever you wish to.. Do not wait for tomorrow, because you never know tomorrow what is going to happen...  :) :)

My Train Journey

Kanyakumari Express- My chariot to take me from Bangalore to my hometown.. 9.45PM train from Bangalore central.. it is always fun to travel by train.. Now sitting in the train makes me to scribble about my experience.. Reached the station at 8.45, had dinner and by 9.30 got into the train.. And this is the 1st time me and my fiance travelling seperate to the same destination (he decided to accompany his brother from trichy).. Well, I did not what to do... ok, atleast decided to watch a movie in my itouch.. "Journey to the Centre of the Earth"... a comic sci fi movie i guess.. definitely not my type of movie... thanks to the movie, which made me to fell asleeep... Aaah....wait wait, something is disturbing.... Yes, my bag is on my face!!! grrr... why did I keep it so? Oops... I don't know...Got up at 7... Another 5 hrs journey to reach home.....Next to me, there is a mom and her daughter (might be 3-4 yrs old)...she is so adorable.....her silly silly doubts keeps give a smile on my face...The way she observe things and troubles her mom... What amuses me here is, Mother's patience... I do not think any one else in the earth, other than a "Mother" has the heights of patience.. I could see her scolding softly, when the kid was jumping on the seat... It again gives me another doubt or curiosity or whatever.. How they communicate to each other,even ifthey dont speak to each other.. Mom explained her a story, but litttle one is not satisfied... She looked at me, i winked at her, she started giggling.. I again winked at her, she tried to do the same.. I tickled her feet, she sarted laughing loudly... :) :) ... Oh God!! kids are so adorable!!! Aww wait wait... she is like me.. coz her name is again Achu....LoL....

Though I missed many usual things in this journey, this travelling is also different as ususal...

And now am listening to "O re  piya re..." .....

Happy Moments...

Itz been a long time that I did not update my Blog... wondering what to write... Ok...lemme write something what I had gone through last few months!!.. Well, 2010 seems like a mix of Good (Personally) and not so great kinda Year (Professionally).. When I say personally this year is Good, that is beacuse, my marriage talks are happening.. Doesn't it sound good?? Well, am excited too.. coz 6 Yrs being in love and now the time has reached to tie the Knot... I will write my love story later.. :)...


April 4th 2010...Morning when I got up, I was thinking why I could not sleep properly? Why am I so restless? Why I feel butterflies in my stomach? Aaah...Yea.... this is the day of my official bride seeing ceremony... Atlast his parents are coming to my house to discuss about our marriage... Wow!! The feeling is different... Ok..wait a minute... What would he be thinking? Does he also feel the same??...Thanks to my bestfriend, who was there with him @ his house and updating each and everything.. And I could not control my laugh when he told me that he is nervous too!! Lol!! Preparations are going on in full fledge in my house and they are on their way!!... Ohh...I had to wear a Sari :( .. decided to wear... Aaahh..not bad! looks good.... My friend keep updating me everything about their journey, and where they reached, what they are talkign etc etc..


Atlast they came!! It was 12 in the noon... though his parents had seen me many times, when they saw me in Sari they were surprised... Now, everybody is sitting and started casual talk... The tension is very much visible on mine and his face...Obviously!!! We are waiting! When will they start the topic? My friend is busy playing with my nephew and taking snaps... Atlast, they decided to start the topic... Pin drop silence?? Oopps... what happened? Starting trouble!! My parents doesn't  know how to start and same with his parents... But when it started, things went well... What a relief!!!! Oh my GOD!!! After waiting for 6 yrs, atlast our dreams are coming real... Trust me, it is a beautiful feeling... With the blessings of both the parents we will be uniting together...


Now waiting for the big day!! Hopefully by October.... Well, am smiling now, after writing this blog... Don't know why though.... :)


A happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendships, all the enjoyment of sense and reason - and indeed all the sweets of life.

Are you scared of Death??

Doesn't this topic sounds funny? Who is not scared to death ? Ok..Let me ask you this,what is fear? I am still unable to find a definition for this, but I failed in that..Scared to fail? scared about the target? scared about responsibilities? Scared about Life? scared about death??

Ok, let me put in this way.. Everybody is scared about one or the other thing..If I tell you the truth, deep inside I have fear, about one or the other thing.. But, I always ask myself, why I need to be scared?? There is a dialogue in 3 Idiots movie, which talks about Fear, that really made me to think.. In fact that is a very true line.. Fear is nothing but a frantic state of mind.. If you are able to control your mind by telling ourself that "No need to worry", I guess we will be able to come out of that state of Mind.. For eg; we are scared to taste failure; my question is why?? If you are ready to taste success, why not failure? beacuse, we are scared.. From childhood we are aiming to be on the top..Parents comparing us with neighbor's kids, the pressure we used to get from them made us to fear...It made us to be away from failure.. But, if you have ever failed in anything, anytime, I am sure, he/she will the successful person in life..

I read a tagline of one of my friend " Everyone is ready to go to heaven, but nobody want to die!!"..Isn't it true? Why are we scared of death? If you have a life, the ultimate truth is you have to die.. I think, we need to expect death every moment.. What made to think this way is because, I feel, death can be any ways.. Probably, when you cross the road, or else, when you look down from the 10th floor of a building..Or else, a shocking news...It can be anything..It is very unpredictable... So expect it every moment..Then you will not feel scared.. And live every moment as if you are going to die next moment... Take life as it comes...Enjoy each and every moment.. Live your Life...